A Failure To Communicate

Hmmm, I can't really explain what's going on lately. Scattered, absent-minded, mostly numb, floating from one thing to the next with no real focus or ambition. I don't think it's a bad thing for the most part...because out of it I have been creating, painting after painting pouring out of me like some kind of dam that has just broken. However, my writing has become disjointed, barely even sentence structures. Earlier today I wrote an entire page on the various ways to tell someone to go f*** their hat...not kidding. I ended it with "what we have here is a FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE"....what does that even mean? 

My last night journal entry was a conversation ... Quotation marks and all, that has never happened. 

I am not complaining at all. I can ignore all kinds of uncomfortable things, feelings, loss, grief. Back burner all of that baby! Why? Because I'm eyeball deep in creating! Ping pong between cleaning, helping, painting, photography, kids, errands, writing...stick in those treks to the great outdoors....and BAM....no loneliness, irritation, anxiety, depression. I should market this and sell it on eBay! 

Meanwhile, life carries on. I'm not nearly as clever as I think I am, and that's a fact. I sit and stare at a flower, propped up on my wall beside my dresser. I barely know the artist, and yet it's almost as if it was created for me. Painfully beautiful it is. Like its very existence begs to be stared at. And perhaps it is that way only for me. Who knows, I'm not a mind reader. I'm just thankful to bumble my way through another day, no matter what that looks like. 

So, back to creating. Because as much as I might wish to find my footing again, I refuse to resist even one iota of what ever this current phase is. Always forward, always now.