So very many things have happened in just one year.
I have learned that trusting my gut will sometimes lead me right into the hurt I needed to feel the very most.
I have learned that placing people on a pedestal can shatter your dreams and lead to disillusionment.
I have learned who really truly has my back when the lights go out.
I have learned that I can be the very kind of person I think I'm not.
I have learned that possessions mean nothing, and that those fixated on them can never understand that.
I have learned I don't wish for the artist life, but rather I hope to live simply and with joy.
I have learned that depression can sneak up on me and change how I see everything in a blink of the eye.
I have learned that my capacity for survival is unrivalled.
I have learned that I would rather be "wrong" then look like an idiot fighting over being "right".
I have learned that I genuinely want a partner to share my life with and enjoy the small things; but that I'm not willing to change who I am to have that.
I don't know any more what I want to be when I grow up.
I know I will always write, paint, take pictures...but that will be for the love of doing it, not the pursuit of wealth or fame or a name.
A year ago today, I ran into the world with bright eyes...leaving behind what I thought was oppressing me and stopping me from "living my dream".
Today, I sit in awe of the road I have travelled. The hopes that shattered around me, the huge failures and the major beating my heart has taken...
And I am thankful.
I am filled with gratitude.
For I am still alive.
Bruised, battered, beaten and unsure...yes...all of these and more.
Yet I still have so much more love in me to give. I still have a fight to survive and get healthy. I still have hope that my companion will find me. I still have the desire to run through the woods, paddle down a stream, dig my toes in the sand and my fingers in soot....
I am still alive.
