Gut Kick

This morning, I stole out the front door;

Heading somewhere I hadn't quite decided on yet.

My shoes clenched snugly in my right hand, ears perked for any noises.

With a faint 'shhhhk', I closed the inside out and stooped to slide on my runners; back pack lazily sliding down my forearm.

The brightness of the day still hidden behind a sheet of morning haze, but the birds already chatting.

I glanced back at the door, imagining for a moment that it could slide wide open and I would be forced to reconsider my escape.

Yet it lay quiet, not a creak or a thud to suggest any life lay within.

I straightened, returning my burden to its resting place above the small of my back.

I contemplated the places I might go to achieve my task. So many things left unturned in this world.

Decisions make themselves at times, and my feet were already moving.

Why today?

Yesterday;

I received a solid kick to the gut.

An unexpected reminder that no matter how loyal, trustworthy or solid you may be....

Sometimes those you place that with will lie about you. Throw you under the bus. Stomp on your face and bash the holy living hell out of your good intentions.

Reasons unknown.

You might feel it was deserved on some level or another, but you know without a doubt you have never betrayed them. 

The shock of it is mind numbing. 

The pain unbearable.

You might sit there cradling your chest, begging for mercy, begging to breathe.

So...

You fall into a state of uncertainty. Questioning all your interactions and searching for a reason.

Somehow you just know, somewhere along the line you did something to earn that gut kick.

And you're sorry.

But it still hurts.

Today;

I stole out the front door.

My feet drawing me to rest under a weeping willow.

Alone, by my tree.

I sorted through the storm in my mind.

Returning the pain to the soil it was formed from.

I let it go.

I forgive.

Because I don't need to carry that with me, tucked in a back pack far too heavy to bear.

It is outside of me.

If I deserved it, then I thankfully accept that I am still alive to feel, and place it in the roots.

Not by water to cleanse; but by bark and leaf to grow.

I am thankful for betrayal; for I can still love beyond it.

I am thankful for hurt; for I can still live to experience it.

I am thankful for the lessons; for I am still alive to learn.