Most often by accident. We step on their toes or expose an old pain without even realizing it until it's too late. We strip them down and add to their wounds by touching a spot we didn't see there.
I have done this and had it done to me.
How do we fix it?
Sometimes we can't. All we can do is wait for them to heal and hope they will forgive us. Other times the act of realizing it and apologizing is enough.
We are all so different in our similarities. Like mirrors that reflect the pain in eachother. We see the surface and nothing beyond. Sometimes our journey to understand what lies beneath takes a right turn at hurtsville and exits onto the misery expressway.
I have a tendency to protect myself. I say it's okay when really it isn't. I say I'm fine when I'm dying inside. I'm sure I'm not alone in this.
For me, the worst pain is exposing myself and saying what is true for me, and having that either cause pain for another or be dismissed. Either one is as horrific as plunging face first off a cliff...and that's what it feels like.
And yet...
I have learned that's the only way to live. I can do a lot of living without actually living at all. That's the easy way out. Been there, done that.
But real living is seeing where my fears are and pushing past them. Recognizing where my scars hide and poking them.
The hardest part for me will be to accept that sometimes I will hurt people along the way, without meaning to. I will have to learn to be okay with that. Sometimes I won't be able to do or say anything to fix it. I will have to learn to be okay with that.
Because really, when it comes to people, helping or fixing or even just working together on anything for any reason at any time...if they are in a place where they aren't able or willing to do the same....well that's their journey. Accepting that is the only way to truly show you love them.
All the sorries in the world won't heal an oozing wound. That's what happens when you brush against a raw sore of another.
Deep sigh.
The waterfalls are beautiful. They plunge unforgiveingly against the rocks below. Bit by bit eroding the resistance they meet. With unending determination, they force their will to end the pressure.
This is my will, to live without regret. To love without remorse. To find a place within this world to call my home. To share the beauty I see with anyone willing to look. To reside within peace and dance within harmony. To not question my worth, for I may not be good enough for everyone, but I'm good enough for someone. To share this knowledge with my children, so they may see the exquisite flow of life and not lose hope as I did. To journey well...and journey long.
I'm sorry for the pain I have caused, do cause, and may cause in the future.
Namaste.
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