In My Cave

I actually don't have much to say these days...

The storm inside has subsided, and I find myself curled up in my cave with the great bear. It is quiet and peaceful in there. 

I hear things around me, and my body goes through the natural stages of daily movement. When someone asks how I am, I reply "fine", and it's true. I am fine. I am peaceful and unrocked by what goes on outside of me.

I wonder from time to time what event might come along to dislodge this sense of tranquility, but I do not dwell on it. I recognize the question as valid and dismiss it.

Misunderstandings are just that, and they do not cause a rise in my reactionary reflexes. Instead I sit and ponder for a second if I should do or say anything to clear them up. Some I have decided there is no point, that is an opinion or reaction outside of me, and it is not my job to put in effort to clear it. Others I simply say, "how did you get that from what I said?" Because it speaks to who they are, not me.

I don't exactly know how I got to this place. Was it the great grief and turmoil? Was it the act of staying with the hurt all the way through? Was it my refusal to medicate and deny? Was it the cleansing ceremony? I'm not sure, maybe it was all of the above. 

Whatever it was, I am thankful. I say my daily affirmation with true belief now, and write in my journal the things I am thankful for. I am truly blessed, my cup runneth over.

"Go where You'd have me go. Do what You'd have me do. Say what You'd have me say, to whom. In all things, guide me."