In conversation, I suddenly realized that I have made some major progress, internally.
Three years ago, I could never have considered myself doing and seeing some of the things I have done and seen this summer. I was so very lost in a world of anxiety and depression, and yet at the time I would have said I was coping okay.
I was medicated, overweight, terrorized by travel and dirt and had created a whole world of cats and television shows and doing what others wanted me to do.
In considering this, I also have a moment to wonder what the next three years will look like. Will I carry on this journey of freedoms? Will I think with my heart-brain instead of my egoic-brain? Will I travel this spiritual awakening all the way to the end? I sure hope so!
Miracles big and small have wandered into my life. There was a time I was waiting for the miracle, and now I notice them every single day.
I am no longer seeking peace, for peace over flows me every time I take a minute to realize it's already there.
I am not always happy, and have found a soft sadness within myself. Yet at the same time, I am content and secure and steady in a joy that reminds me all is well.
I have conquered some of my most major fears, and am still alive to talk about it. So that suggests to me all fears are possible to overcome.
There are parts of myself that I have come to terms with, and in doing so, have realized that it's okay to be me. It's okay to be wrong, even about myself. I don't fear the lies I told myself. I don't even fear how they made or make me look to others.
I have learned a new art, where I can be gently used. Taking things less personal, and opening up to be utilized on a tolerable level instead of martyring myself for a cause most beyond my means.
In all things I am fine, safe and exactly where I need to be. This security makes it easier to accept the ups and downs.
I think I still have spin cycles. I am completely confident in knowing that I don't know it all. My limitations notify me that there is still a lot of wiggle room for growth.
But overall, I have to admit I have come so far. In doing so, I honour the journey, close that story, and carry on.
In a moment of gratitude, I take time to thank all the lives who have entered mine. I would like to send out love to those who have taught me, both in positives and negatives. They have equal value, and I recognize that. Thank you for helping me find myself, in whatever manner that was and is. Thank you for the support and the distance, both are valid and vital to my continued change.
You are noticed, noted, important and loved. All of mine for yours.
No matter how far we come, it can't be denied or overlooked how the lives of others brought us there. It's a good thing to notice, be humbled by and grateful for. Forgiving what we thought was ugly at the time by realizing that it serves so many purposes. To balance, to show contrast, to teach and to bless with better! Yes, never stop seeking. But at the same time, see with eyes of awe how many outside of us enrich just who we are.
Do yourself a huge favour, and take a minute to see where you are. Consider where you have come from. If you are down, recognize how that could be launching you forward. If you are stuck, take a good look at where and why, what lesson are you learning from there? If you have made great progress, pat yourself on the back. Above all else, send out a little love to all the people, good and bad, in your life. I promise you, if you really do this, you will have a little smile tickle the corner of your mouth. For a moment or two, you will not be waiting for the miracle, it will be within you.
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