The Settling

I have entered into this dark, contemplative place. Not one of depression or anxiety, but a storm of sadness. A calm acceptance that comes after realization.
The settling.

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I remember one summer, running in a field. I could hear the long grass whispering and sighing as I ran my fingers through the chest-high blades.
As the winds picked up, and the sky darkened; I flopped face down there amongst the bending stalks.
Eye-level, a ground hog paused to stare at me. I smiled at him and he blinked, before turning into the safety of his hole.
The air around chilled and the chatter of grass as it swirled around my head calmed me.
I took a deep breath of clean, water-ready air.

As the first few large rain drops fell, I rolled over on my back, staring straight up at the sky. Split in half, light slowly being devoured by the massive dark clouds moving in.
Pelting water bursts struck my face and chest, exploding with shards of moisture. With the force of a pellet gun, they drilled me over and over, here and there. The sting was exhilarating.
Curling my knees up under my chin, I let the rain batter the back of my hair and run a chilled river down my back.

As the rain calmed, I heard a voice being caught in the wind. Muffled and chopped through the field, my mothers' calling me home. I will go, in just a moment.
Lifting my head to peer up through the grass, I felt the softness of the earth beneath me absorbing the moisture. I felt the water run across my eyes and down my cheeks. So peaceful in perfection.

For me, this is how sadness is. The skies do all the work as I look straight up. Acceptance washes over me, wave after wave until I am ready to let go. Thankfulness whispers through the grass blades and cold winds chill me.
When I am ready to stand, and go home, I will look up and see the rainbow that stretches out before me. Light bending through the clouds, rain calming to a patter.
I will shiver, shudders that tear through my body with no control. Relief follows the chills, as the sun will peak out again.

Then, as quickly as it comes, it is gone.
When I look back on this, it is all just a faded memory. The sadness out there in the field forgotten and sinking deep in the soil. The ground hog will pop his head out again, and I will greet him with a smile.
As carried by wind, so carried away.

The settling is a process of surrender. A belief or statement that accepts I am not as big as this storm, but I am in it, not of it.
It is the voice that calls out, come home. It is the rainbow that says "I promise".
It is the chills that will pass, and become replaced with warmth and comfort.
Settling is the allowing of all these things to strike, and sting, and then to roll off my back.
It is the choice to know that the sun will come out, and this too will pass.